by Jane Boulden
In a crisis, unexpected people rise to the occasion, often in unexpected ways. For me, one of the enduring horrors of the onset of the pandemic was the plight of those in long term care homes. Many people, most of them seniors, many of them already in a very fragile state, were suddenly isolated. In some cases, they were abandoned altogether. Far too many died, often alone. I tracked those stories as they emerged in the media in the early days of the pandemic, before that kind of story was overtaken by the sheer weight and pace of the virus. Interested in the different ways people responded, I read about the woman who got a job as a cleaner in the care home where her husband resided because it was the only way she could see him. There were the sisters who brought their mother home only to be overwhelmed by the burden of caring for someone with advanced dementia while unable to ask for outside help. And, the man who moved in to his wife’s room so he could be with her while she died, and then stayed in the care home for days afterwards to be with the others who followed her. Amidst all the agony and pain in those early days, a sliver of stories emerged that demonstrated the strength of the human connection, and the willingness of people to push past fear and uncertainty to reach out to others.
I wanted to move beyond the surface of those kinds of stories to see how one person’s efforts to do the right thing by a family member might play out in practical terms. Often, in the rush to do something, people get caught up by the call of action only to be thwarted by obstacles that no one thought through beforehand. How does someone problem solve in that situation? With what result?
And, in the middle of it all there is the question of family dynamics. As with the practical side of the equation, the emotions that emerge are not always predictable or easy. Seeking to do the right thing is not a guarantee of a happily-ever-after outcome, or even of a smooth path forward. Crises bring out the unexpected in people in both negative and positive ways.